


of no-no squares and queefing

by mikkonmydick (mikkz)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, I hate myself, M/M, in other words i dont wanna actually tag any of this shit, mj didnt die for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8140574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkz/pseuds/mikkonmydick
Summary: queef lets lonk touch his no-no square
LEMON!! boy x boy don't like don't read!!!





	

**Author's Note:**

> based off of @_nnyoof (twitter) 's No-No Square AU, and written by the part of me that really hates living

It's a peaceful day aboard the S.S. No-No. They spent the morning training as per Alleera's instructions, and theyre all Slick With Sweat™; Lank can't help but think McFuckin Dirty Things as he glances at Keef, whose stupid mullet stuck to his forehead, sweat acting as a glue. But Lank can never act on the fantasies that fueled his desires for long nights, much too far away from home, because he fears rejection. He loves Keef, no matter how superficial and sexual his feelings may come across; he won't be able to face it if he was hated by the other.

"Good work today, Paladins," Alluurua claps her hands cheerfully, her boobs pointing to Mary and Jesus (actually, is Heaven still up when you were in space?). "You did VERY well, I'm sure we'll be able to beat those fucking furries into submission soon. Viva la NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE, am'right? Anywhore, take a load off--not literally, no masturbating in the MAIN DINING HALL okay we don't want a repeat of The Incident--Coouran should have your McGoop ready soon."

And with that the Mighty Princess and her boyfriend Shirp wander off to do Space Parent things, leaving Piggu, Hulk, Queef and Lank the lounge. 

"I Fucking Hate McGoop." Lank complains, reclining against the seats that Keef so often uses as FUCKING steps jesus CHRIST Keef they are seats not fuckING steps dont put u grotty ass feet on them uf ucker. "Why can't Couiiafkjharan cook us smth nice??? Like, idk, chicken wings." He adds as an afterthought. "God I miss chicken wings."

"Ikr," Quidg agrees from where they sit on the floor (theyre too short to sit on the seats #prayforquig make it TREND PPL) fiddlin with a bunch of spare parts like the RoboFucker™ they are. "Tbh I really miss waffles. Lonk don't--"

But it's too late.

"DO U LIEK WAFFLES? YE S I LIKEWAFFLES." EVERYONE groans. Lonk cant help the way Queef's groan makes his pants tighten deliciously... Shit boi he'd love to hear more of them groans as he bends him over the table, plays chess and fuckS him relatively not-softly.

"JFC you always do this I'm 5000 percento done w u," Piglet throws their tiny arms up in Disbelief™ "I aint puttin up w this shit CMON honk lets go be Cool Platonic Friends elsewhere."

Mrs Piggy rolls out the room and Honoka follows, both knowing this makes absolutely no sense to the plot, that there isn't ACTUALLY a plot and this whole thing is completely off the rails, actually, to leave Queer and Linkle alone.

Lunk glances at his crush, his heart dokidokiing and his face a shade of deep, sexy crimson, but Kevin doesn't so much as give him the time of eternal night and unending darkness get it they're in space (by Fallout Boy).

"Hey, Kyle, how are you?" Lucy asks and edges closer, closer so he can deeply inhale and have the smell of Kelly's shampoo fill his nostrils and burn itself permanently into his brain. He wants every breath he takes to be full of the wafting scent of Keen; his BO, his shampoo, his sweaty, delicious forehead, HECK, Layla wouldn't mind smelling piss 24/7 if it was MCKENZIE'S piss. 

"STOP," Kansas slaps Lily's hands away, "DON'T TOUCH ME THERE. THAT'S MY NO-NO SQUARE."

Liam GASPS very loudly. This always happens. ALWAYS happen s... Whenever he tries to get close to Kenny, even if it's purely platonic, he gets rejected and ejected and not ejaculated because of the invisible, impenetrable No-No Square protecting Kardashian from his advances. He hates it. He hates it!! How could he ever confess his feelings... If it's like this? The world, truly, is a cruel and unusual place...

But Lame is a Nice Guy™, and he would NEVER, EVER disrespect any of his 5,194,104 crushes. EVER. Especially not Kent. 

"I'm sorry," he apologises, straight from the beatbox in his chest, "I didn't mean to trespass on your No-No Square and overstep my boundaries..... Truly.... Im very sorry."

Kenobi accepts this apology, but in the way he only knows how: by sCREAMING VERY LOUDLY. 

You see he was an orphan and as he had grown up secluded and lonely he had never known how to make friends. In fact, the last friend he tried to make ended up in the hospital with a case of Rabies after they infiltrated his No-No Square and he bit them.

"THANK YOU." Kanye squawks and flails his arms.

"whOA, WHOA," Lyle says, "No need to squark!!! its oka y i understand ur tragikku backstory..."

and their eyes meet and WHOA kylie has never felt this way b4.... noone has ever understoOD him and 

 

god exposition iS boring u dont wanna read this right??? yeah okay lets get onto tHE FUCKING

 

 

 

 

 

 

actyaly im 12 i cant write this???

 

 

 

 

o well never too young 2 bgin (dont tell mum)

 

 

Lanncc took Keef from behind a few days l8r the Thirst Time™. The y came 2gether in bhis bedroom, dressed in nothing but Garfield underwear (matching, yes, when will u b as cute as klance???) and they were both VERY BLUSHING bc it was a big moment for them. They were both virgins, thnx to Keef's No-No Square protection home security system (call 555-420 for ur own 2day) and lenk is just a fucking nerd lmao he hasnt even touched a boob fight me on this, so this was to be their True First Time. 

"DO U KNO WHAT UR DOIN??" Kevin asks vry embarrassedly, his cheeks FF0000. 

"dont wrry bby i watch a LOT of porn. like a lot. please help." Lince Lonce wink wonks and teeks Queef's face in his hands and softly, gingerly, cautiously, gently, feverishly, passionately and buttery kisses him. He MOans like a whore and L.A.N. pops a McFreakin' Boner.

"UR HARD ALREADY,.,,,," Koof averts his gaze. Leonard shoves his hand unceremoniously down the front of his pants and he MOANS AGAIN and Piglet hears and is tempted 2 burst in and pull the trigger but doesnt. He is now also hard.

"Bae,,," Len Kagamine captures his face w his hand, "Can I... enter ur No-No Square??"

Clyde gasps but nods. He trusts him.

Quicker than he can blink, Quiznak's undies r stripped clear of his body and he is shoved onto the bed. His Boyfriend gets on his knees and begin to do the Succ real good, and he swears he could cum right then n there if he wasnt so apprehensive for the Main Course.

"ENCHILANCA S-STOPP IM GONNA CUM," He yELls, and Linda stops and removes his dorito chin from K-Mart's No-No Square. He wink wonks five times in quick succession, turns Kimberly over and bends over him and whispers lowly.

"Bite the pillow I'm threading the needle DRY."

and they fucked roughly and wildly like animals long into the night and Kindle was so loud that Zarkle Sparkle heard him FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY found them and blew them out of the sky, they're all dead, I wish I was too, the end.

#LanceIsDead


End file.
